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My What THE F@%*K Moment

Yea ok im suppose to let go of this..yea in my head let it go jennifer.. things cant get any worse..or better…you found love..you found inner peace..you found beauty ..you found all you wanted…yea and it comes with a price..have faith i told my fucking inner self let jesus take the wheel…. well guess what brain soul of mine…no one is gona hold the pen to my life.. life hit me hard….to the point i still ferl helpless and useless.. but this BITCH IS UP NOW..and all i gotta say to life is….. YEA YOU HIT LIKE A BITCH…AND SO ILL GIVE THE SHORT VERSION .. BUT ITS THE DAMN TRUTH OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME AND MY wonderful kids its a real life love story filled with tragedy and romance ..something outta a shakespearean tale.. romeo and juliet actually ..and who knew it was gona piss everyone off they needed to hurt what was closests to our hearts..so let it go i tell my head …naaa im holding onto it to make me stronger and make me who i am aboug to become and who i was but forgot all about where i came from…my life changed in a what the fuck just happened instant and it continued to bring me what the fuck just happened moments ..but this time im up im dusted off..my game face on and my what the fuck jyst happened moment is turning into what the fuck WILL NEVER KEEP HAPPENING.. your probably curious as to what im talking about and how it pertains to a narcissitic man who we can call

“X “

and he got jealous of the Romeo and a narcisstic bitch who we will cal “xx” and git jealous of romeos juliet. As i tell my story i want you to know you just cant make this shit up..

REMEMBER THESE WORDS FOR MY POST LATER ON WE WILL CALL THIS EXHIBIT “A”

Ok ready…..

Ok so this above is my ROMEO. This is exhibit “B”
And yes ladies hes hot as hell ..hands off hes mine..i may be born with concrete under my feet BROOKLYN Queen but he is the Country To my buttered biscuit.. so hands off..or you will lose one..

Sorry i just love us.. match made in heaven..hes my wolfman .im his elvira..ya getting it..?? I found love ..hes hardworking ..he gets me..he does anything for me..hd understands my drama as i his..we like many of the same things..even our differences we likes we try anything once..we love driving to nowhere. And nowhere usually ends up someplace  new and we explore it then find ourselves constantly returning.. he eats my food and likes it.. we jam to the same music..

Yes we kiss too….veey passionatley

Hes my rock to my roll my hip to my hop…he gets me!! And i get him… ok so you now know who we are…

The rest you can say involves our happiness our childrens well being. Yes tou know my three lil nuts who are no longer still lil and his two lil nuts whobare same age almost as mine. Our children especially iur 2 girls are best friends. And make that ** noted… my samantha and his ariel are close.. so close they created there own happy ending story or stories to tell a story about how they perceieved our love and us as parents threw the eyes our ex significant others..

The two on far right in front in red jscket and blacket jacket is ariel snd kevin..my three to left snd yes us both knuckleheads in front with the lil home alone klone. Ok so kids get along perfectly …well ok they hsve there moments.. like this picture we went to slerpy hollow in tarrytown..great place kids had fun or so we thought.. too much walking too much cold too much lights.. we are bored ..mean while all they do is stay on their phones.. even wen they are not bored.. so wat the hell is the difference if ur on ur phone out or on ur phone when ur home n not bored. Like really serioysly what  makes texting different and unvori g when ur doing nuthing but sitting on ur bed or couch n ur friend and u are not even talking. As aposed to texting in the car next to same people but not talking and yet thats boring??!! Yea i know makes you go what the fuck??!!
  the exes yea those lovely exes if ours saw just how  wonderful we were together and how beautiful we were . And we was in love.. so i think there jealousy and afraid of losing that and one not paying child support and one just wanting more n more support was taken its toll and manipukating the chikdren which in turn the crazy arrests
and crazy child services and the childrens attutudees and then us arguing and us losing our minds all over  losing  our children into thd hands of the abusers.. ( i have a stay away or of protection against mine and he found third parties to harrass me) and a lil boy being smacked around by a moms boytoy even sadder thenn this was a judge who intwined two cases that had not one damn thing to do with each other other then we was dating and in love and she was retiring and the new upcoming judge was my exes lawyer. And the judge made up her own rules as she went along and so did the lawyers no one followed procedures.but yet we are being told to follow procedures and to listen and not defy the law. Then I think the topper of this was not only losing our kids in the mist of my battle and fight but getting arrested for something I never did because my X Clearly knows all those in political power in my county. The county played its roll in my romeos case as well making sure he lost his rights so that he would not be able to have his kids as well. Words spoken im the judge i can do as i want. So here i sit as i write this and tell the story over and over again and everyone says the same thing.. ” what the fuck happened?”  So there i tell you is my what the fuck moment.. you cant make this shit up.

Love is that unbinding unconditional contract you make as parents towards your children. Yes our children. Theres no and i emphasize, no no thats right people no “manual on proper parenting “.  All those books written by parents ,non parents, doctors, lawyers, teachers ,pyschiatrists,  parenting groups, advocates, kids are not manuals they are just to ” self help ” you . Guide you through the most unappreciative, unrewarding, dysfunctional, life of parenting. They guide you on love on behavioravorial issues, the selfish kid, the emotional kid, how to take time outs, how to raise proper kids, whatever it is its just a damn guide everyone. Which for me sometimes is more for the amusement and knowing your not alone.  Not a manual!!! What works in your family sure as hell may not work for mine and what works for mine may not be on the same planet as yours. So your getting this ??!!!! Everyone in every home across the state , country, the world parents differently. My theory give them love, support, guidence, clothing, shelter, food, take care of their illness when their sick, teach them right from wrong, install values and morals you like for them to take with them when they have families of their own. Give them tradituons, stability, when they are defiant you can take away their toys, i dont believe in beating your chikd but a lil smack on the butt when your child is trying to suffocate the lil one for touching the temote to tv after you told them ten times get iff your brother, yea that lil spank aint gona hurt them. Matter of fact prob hurts usore then them.  But again there is nomanual .. otherwise i believe no one would provcreate. I know.. i know.. some people damn shouldnt have children. I seen the type.. heard them too. The child service workers are one of them. Most of them young kids in twenties. None of them have kids . Some of them just a degree in children. Some none at all. And those with kids, yea im sure if we went to their home around 5pm, you see no dinner cooked either laumdry piled all over the place their spouses running out to get fast food thats soo unhealthy.. and greasy heart attack food. Them yelling i just walked in the damn door can i get my shoes off!! Wheres my bath ?? And glass of wine? Theor kids not showeted yet because the 3 year old is still running around ising the couch blanket as a cape and the dirty spatula as a wand playing superhero while trying to kill flies on the wall .yea folks that shit is real. Real kids. Real parents. And yes child protective wirkers like us. Living real lives in real time.

Need i say more..lol funny n nutty are we!!!

And then this is where it becomes unraveled.. 

What the f@!#k did  I do ? What the hell just happened???

Happy happy kids .. happy happy lovers.. ok not perfect we got our quirks.. but we are not bad people.

Let me also say between my boyfriend and i we was going to family and i supreme court , whichich was the same exact judge, yea go figure that dumb shit out same judge far as im concerned supreme court has diff rules then family so i guess when a judge works family court their whoke life they dont need to freshen up on supreme court rules because last i checked their was sone differences… yea ok not in the county. So same judge she used same rules in every case whether sipreme or family. And by rules i mean i according to my lawyer she hates my boyfriend thinks hes an idiot hates me according to his lawyer because i got inti triuble meanwhike the trouble was based on lie handeritten in letter by ex husband no investigation no lets check it out but based on a letter.. dumb fucks how come when i been writting letters you aint believing me..oh im sorry its because i dont know thd district attorny of county and my kawyer is gona be a judge and the county sheruff is a fucking sellout whom has sat at my fucking dinner table many times and we gone golfing with. I huess in divorce you divirce your fucking friends too. Too shay i dont need friends or people like that fuck that !!ok so back to rules she had none she literally had no rules she can do wat she wantrd and didnt care she even judge not based on facts but hearday and accusations . So when you go to court every month as we was doing for past year we was well know in the court circut ..and get this the other lical courts between him gettin arrested for supposedly not returninh his kids when she xx clearly knew he wasnt and they was all hanging at my house and my x not paying my truck as told by the judge but im sorry everytime i went and it was mentioned she didnt fucking care n then it seemed to be the only thing they caref about.. so yea we was also in other local courts. These local courts the court officers rotate so yea we got to know them we see them at church and stores i think at one point we joked and was like we all can go to dinner.. nice guys i mean really nice guys. I think they even started to see and realize what was happening. They kept looking at us laughing . I think they was more shocked as we was that hot ass summer day in august when both our cases was held same day same time and no one was on schedule but us two . Yea ok con isn’t nooo I think not our lawyers conversing sitting in on our cases the county is behind millions of these cases every damn day and to clear the calendar for just my boyfriend and was plain ludicrous. Honored I tell you I’m starting to feel honored that they cared and loved us enough to single us out and stop everyone else from coming into court on that day . Kinda like jayz and Beyoncé visiting Disney land clear the park people the royal couple is coming for a visit . So yea that’s how I’m gonA start looking at this shit . That’s how I’m gonA refer to the shit show and what the fuck is going on here moment . Damn straight judge Kiedash new comer judge miss Campbell we are orange fucking county royalty and don’t you ever forget this shit. Because what comes up must come down and karma will hit you smack dead in the face both you so called stand up judges and lawyers will be standing their like you just got raped as you had done to me and my family ,my romeos family . You can’t take a dad whose been their for his kids while the mothers ex boyfriend put his hands all over him and hurt him and the daughter called in fear of their lives to pick them up and not once put that mothers boyfriend on trial nor address the issue . You can’t sit there take my kids away from me and tell my cod says there not going to school because mom says they can hang home and although she provided doctor notes medical tutors and showed proof of texts from dad to approve of them not listening to mom give her hard time so you can live here and I don’t Gita pay mommy support oh and hey kids if that don’t work don’t worry I cut the lugs nuts off moms car to make wheel fall off and make her die in accident although there’s an order of protection on me I’m friends with political power so I can do what want so can you kids none of it was mentioned none of it . It rips your soul to have your kids taken and your rights taken away as a parent it hurts and causes damage not just to your heart but your mind . Fucks with you you cry you become hardcore you cry you become colder you scream yell cry in a ball to want your own parents to hold you and you become irrational afraid introverted and heartless you can’t think you can’t breathe but know if you give up the fight you will lose the children we both loved we never wanted to give up . So you become real quiet and cry when alone and hardened in your soul . And it’s that coldness that dampness that unreal sense of reality that starts to begin a rebirth a strength of my mind is not weak I’m sharp and if I need to use the strength to find truth and get exhausted and work ten jobs although because of my arrest prevented me from working or keeping a job and my ex got buried in child suppprt and bills from his xx that you start to tear down you tear apart you lose faith and pray when you get up after you scream wtf ?!! That this toughness and emotional roller coaster you was on just turned you into a lion a tiger whatever jungle animals you feel because that’s right fuckers this just became a jungle . Survival of the fittest and smartest and once you wAna act like an animal you better hope and pray the two people that love each other don’t have animalistic qualities that when together they will start knocking people off that mountain . That high power of I’m the judge I can do what I want shit . Kiss my ass . Know what’s funny my man recorded some of the shit in courtroom. They tell you you can’t record only they can but as proof has shown the transcripts are not accurate and missing shit so he decided to test it out and record his own on sneak and like in middle of the hearing along with them being coheres by the judges telling the opposite party doesn’t he have something to be served to him which if your the lawyer in a court hearing serving papers for ur client and the damn judge needs to tell you n the judge thinks it ok meanwhile by law the paper states anyoneone third party or that’s going to participate in any actions  to this person being served cannot actually serve the person come on judge he might not caught that shit in the moment but ya see the lion went out to his tiger and she said you go the fuck back in and tell that judge she can’t suggest that and he who will be the lawyer on the matter for which your being served he can’t do that give that shit back and if that judge gets mad tell her u want a new judge or let’s just call a mistrial u sneaky bitch . My tiger got my back and when we start roaring start running . And start to run they did …… but law on their side correct? So when in middle of hearing the judge is like oh something happened we need to go and part for a minute and come back in ten yea they caught on to the recording how I don’t know nor do we care but ya see again our two heads was better as one when my wonderful Prince Charming in redneck boots appeared to tell me what happened we both said when you go back in don’t record on phone ya guys ain’t fooling us we both been playing your fucking game of destroy families lives for too long and you may get us and take our kids and keep hurting us at times but this Brooklyn queen is starting to come outa her shell she was giving her tedneck cowboy the strength to go be the man he wants to be instead of you all knocking him down no fuck that you ain’t taken him down for that shit I’ll come in and beat you with my glass slipper . As much as it would bring us closer together and stronger and small victories brought us ten failures it broke our souls our sports our love at times and dependability for each other . Makes you see dark see the dark in everything in everyone in each other . You no longer see the beauty in life in your love in each other . Everything’s ugly everyone’s ugly we became ugly . And believe me I thought we was hot inside and out and had awsome good looking kids but even that becomes ugly . Cold afraid broken like stale beer left on the end of the bar and you stare at it wondering what made that person just get up and leaving a nice sweet ice cold beer alone what stopped the party ? What stopped the conversation ? Why is alone ?  Was that beer so good then all of a sudden it was leaving a bad tast you had to stop quenching your thirst for it and leave ? And what kinda person just gets up like that in middle and leave ? Nights young the party just started why did they leave ? Ok no I’m not a bar fly I mean I used to be just loved the social aspect of it friends drinking having fun ya know what I mean  listening to bands just being out because I can . Well that shit gets old too although there used to be a few places that was worthy of  Toby Keith’s I love this bar but even that I think Toby would rewrite it and call it let’s get outa this bar . Anyway see how I get thrown off my game .. this is usually where Romeo comes in and says babe focus ok baby I hear you back to story I’m focusing.. wait do I need to put lipstick on?? .. no ok… see what I mean … lol.. 

when things turn dark and cold and lonely and your left with just the wo of you broken no kids no place to go homes taken not just broken cars taken or dying every other day struggling to figure out how to beat the everyday struggle you start to feel

Social anxiety

http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/study-links-social-anxiety-to-high-iqs-empathetic-ability-sentinel-intelligence/

With wat i am goin threw with my son. Read this its very interesting . Very intelligent 12 yr old but witness to his parents dysfunction in divorce. And believe me theres too much dysfunction. Sometimes i realize with me being a social bunny i forget hes that loner pisces boy who hust wants to be loved and can function on his own

Yes Ill be here when you wake

Well the open heart valve replacement surgery performed by Dr. Rawn Salenger in Good Samaritan hospital was a success!!!
The only thing is tge next 24 hours of your critical care and getting you off the Respirator. So I think were almost there.First off Id like to say that I promised you I would document this event just in case there was anything we needed to go back to so here goes. Second its also my count if events for my personal use to pass this memory on and the memory so I can help tell my patients when I someday work for these guys! Lol.
Dad as you entered the CVICU( Cardiovascular intensive care unit) A sense of panic came over me. I had felt like I was the prison guard and you was ” dead man walking”. I know I know pretty flipping morbid to think but I couldnt help myself. The nurses took you in to prep for surgery and said ok when hes done you can come in and say goodbye before surgery. I dont know what the flip was more scary that or walking back after the prep. I mean we entered the room your in a gown your jewlery sitting on ur chest your smiling but I know better. I tell mommy to take your cross and your wedd ing ring and put it around her neck. And watching her do so was like yup ok its official you was going in for aeortic valve replacement. Which if anyone knows anything bout this yes this is when those egotistical docs play god. Because your heart is literally in their hands. And honestly I wouldcnt have it any other way. Bring in the ego I thought of Dr. Salenger bring it and bring it big.
Anyway I look up to you and like ive said before of my wonderful dad we have this unspoken bond of we nvr need words. We totally get it. As if my own love life was this easy. My dad looks up at me he motions his hands to come towards the bed i walk over and he actually held n squeezed my hand tightly and held it for awhile. His hand was soft alil cold but soft and like i said he held on tightly with that grip. I looked at him he smiled but he kbew I was worried he knew i was going to worry bout this surgery and him going in. I mean it is open heart surgery at good samaritan hospital in suffern ny and wats to be nervous about? So when i looked at you i saw it for the first time ever. I saw your eyes worry. You looked scared you looked like one of my kids like my olivia scared and aline. Like you was waiting for me to say dont worry its ok. Well i looked at you smiled and started to tear up all while u holding my hand and he mouthed the words “dont worry ill be ok. ” yea sumhow that look of frieght bothered me. He was downand out. ny dadd who has been a solid foundation and rock in my life and always stood by myside through everything was now looki g at me for support and my heart was racing. It was beati ng so fast. As they wheeled you out past me i looked at him and he gave me a thumbs up. And so badly i waxnted to joke with my dad and say go get em dad knick em dead. But i couls varely talk i just did a thumbs up back and watched as they rolled him out. I was soooooo happy he was going to live once this was over but sooo very scared what after it or during it would bring. My dad is the bravest soul i know. He can do anything and he does it with courage he does it with the best outlook. He lives his family more then anything and he is the funniest silliest guy I know. My dad and i are very much alike and we are close . Hes probably one of the three people in my life who know me and the crazy part is he always expects more from me . And ill be there by you side dad when you awake

Today may god b with us

The most wonderful man in my life is having open heart surgery today. My daddy is the one man in my life my childrens life that can be counted on.He has always shown strength and courage when needed and he has been a rock in my life more ways then one. Im not done being ur daughter and ur not done
being my daddy. So as we walk today in the path and ur in gods hands. I will pray for you and be there for you. I luv you dad with all my heart. You ll never understand how much luv i hold for you. Your grandkids are waiting for you to come home and see them. So hurry home. Xoxoxo

MY OBSESSION WITH BATH AND BODY

So i get a coupon for 20% off total merchandise at bath and body and im like damn it i need to feel better to go to the store. My daughter samantha whose 12 says ” mom really?? Ur obsessed” i said no im not and hey if i was then think of the good deals i got during the holidays. Yes i did let me tell you how ” carried away” in a ” pink chiffon” of ” cashmere” and ” joy” of scents in sprays and lotiins and lip balm i got( and yes all those in quotes are sum of my faveorite scents.that bath and body works puts out). I spent first off less then 100.00 ok so it was 98.00 and let me tell you i purchased 15 body sprays 12 lotions 8 bath gels four roll in perfumes 40 small antibacterial hand sanitizers6 antibacterial soap and about 10 bottles of small bottles of lotion. Not to mention in there are my free products i was able.to make 6 seperate christmas gifts outa what i.had and i had left over for me! Alil obsessed?? I dont know maybe but the stuff has me ” dancing in waters” in a ” sea of cotton”! I luv this store i luv there stuff i luv there scents.

My 12 year old has a collection of her ownniw. Shes always been my ” sweet pea” and thatts her favirite scent. My four year old olivia  luvs pink chiffon anything pink. Heck my son whose 9 loves when halloween time comes around because the hand sanitizers of ” candy corn” and ” vampure blood” and ” scardeycat” hook onto his back pack euth the sanitizer holders they sell and he loves using them.

And there new scent cashmere.. oooohhh lalaa!! Luv it!! It feels like cashmere!. I just love it!!! And so when they had 75% off clearence yes there waz i stocking up my stick pile makeing me fill up my kids luv for this old obsession with things like ” pRty animal” and ” i love cake” and my reason i luve to bathe in this stuff. And niw another coupon?? Oh boy they know who to send this stuff too. And fir the recird im not beung paid ir compensated in anyway for any of this.. altho i should since i probably been keeping them in bizzness last 10 years.

These opinions are solely my own. And bath and body get ready ill ne in soon as im better using up my coupon!! You cant make this shit up!!!
http://www.bathandbodyworks.com
Please just visit this site and smell look around better yet find one
near you cause when ur feeling down and need alil ooommph this is my sanctuary!! Well one of my guilty pleaseures its my field of ” japanese blossoms”.. which reminds me ” p.s. i love you” B& BW!! 🙂 think of it as alil pampering makes us all b better parents!

MY OBSESSION WITH BATH AND BODY

So i get a coupon for 20% off total merchandise at bath and body and im like damn it i need to feel better to go to the store. My daughter samantha whose 12 says ” mom really?? Ur obsessed” i said no im not and hey if i was then think of the good deals i got during the holidays. Yes i did let me tell you how ” carried away” in a ” pink chiffon” of ” cashmere” and ” joy” of scents in sprays and lotiins and lip balm i got( and yes all those in quotes are sum of my faveorite scents.that bath and body works puts out). I spent first off less then 100.00 ok so it was 98.00 and let me tell you i purchased 15 body sprays 12 lotions 8 bath gels four roll in perfumes 40 small antibacterial hand sanitizers6 antibacterial soap and about 10 bottles of small bottles of lotion. Not to mention in there are my free products i was able.to make 6 seperate christmas gifts outa what i.had and i had left over for me! Alil obsessed?? I dont know maybe but the stuff has me ” dancing in waters” in a ” sea of cotton”! I luv this store i luv there stuff i luv there scents.

My 12 year old has a collection of her ownniw. Shes always been my ” sweet pea” and thatts her favirite scent. My four year old olivia  luvs pink chiffon anything pink. Heck my son whose 9 loves when halloween time comes around because the hand sanitizers of ” candy corn” and ” vampure blood” and ” scardeycat” hook onto his back pack euth the sanitizer holders they sell and he loves using them.

And there new scent cashmere.. oooohhh lalaa!! Luv it!! It feels like cashmere!. I just love it!!! And so when they had 75% off clearence yes there waz i stocking up my stick pile makeing me fill up my kids luv for this old obsession with things like ” pRty animal” and ” i love cake” and my reason i luve to bathe in this stuff. And niw another coupon?? Oh boy they know who to send this stuff too. And fir the recird im not beung paid ir compensated in anyway for any of this.. altho i should since i probably been keeping them in bizzness last 10 years.

These opinions are solely my own. And bath and body get ready ill ne in soon as im better using up my coupon!! You cant make this shit up!!!
http://www.bathandbodyworks.com
Please just visit this site and smell look around better yet find one
near you cause when ur feeling down and need alil ooommph this is my sanctuary!! Well one of my guilty pleaseures its my field of ” japanese blossoms”.. which reminds me ” p.s. i love you” B& BW!! 🙂 think of it as alil pampering makes us all b better parents!

Yes addition to my pnemonia post

My lil olivia whize four on the way home from urgent care after i been hacking up my lungs for two weeks sats mom cover ir mouth i said olivia i apoligive baby im trying to drive and o almost peed my pants from coughi g so hard ok i promise ill cover next time. She says pleaze mommy im already sick i dont want your germs. At that moment im so
o proud to be her mommy im like wow she realizes all i been telling her bout covering ur cough is important. I finally look up on rearview mirror and this is what i
see

You cant make this shit up!

You cant make this shit up! 😉