My What THE F@%*K Moment

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Yea ok im suppose to let go of this..yea in my head let it go jennifer.. things cant get any worse..or better…you found love..you found inner peace..you found beauty ..you found all you wanted…yea and it comes with a price..have faith i told my fucking inner self let jesus take the wheel…. well guess what brain soul of mine…no one is gona hold the pen to my life.. life hit me hard….to the point i still ferl helpless and useless.. but this BITCH IS UP NOW..and all i gotta say to life is….. YEA YOU HIT LIKE A BITCH…AND SO ILL GIVE THE SHORT VERSION .. BUT ITS THE DAMN TRUTH OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME AND MY wonderful kids its a real life love story filled with tragedy and romance ..something outta a shakespearean tale.. romeo and juliet actually ..and who knew it was gona piss everyone off they needed to hurt what was closests to our hearts..so let it go i tell my head …naaa im holding onto it to make me stronger and make me who i am aboug to become and who i was but forgot all about where i came from…my life changed in a what the fuck just happened instant and it continued to bring me what the fuck just happened moments ..but this time im up im dusted off..my game face on and my what the fuck jyst happened moment is turning into what the fuck WILL NEVER KEEP HAPPENING.. your probably curious as to what im talking about and how it pertains to a narcissitic man who we can call

“X ”

and he got jealous of the Romeo and a narcisstic bitch who we will cal “xx” and git jealous of romeos juliet. As i tell my story i want you to know you just cant make this shit up..

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REMEMBER THESE WORDS FOR MY POST LATER ON WE WILL CALL THIS EXHIBIT “A”

Ok ready…..

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Ok so this above is my ROMEO. This is exhibit “B”
And yes ladies hes hot as hell ..hands off hes mine..i may be born with concrete under my feet BROOKLYN Queen but he is the Country To my buttered biscuit.. so hands off..or you will lose one..

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Sorry i just love us.. match made in heaven..hes my wolfman .im his elvira..ya getting it..?? I found love ..hes hardworking ..he gets me..he does anything for me..hd understands my drama as i his..we like many of the same things..even our differences we likes we try anything once..we love driving to nowhere. And nowhere usually ends up someplace  new and we explore it then find ourselves constantly returning.. he eats my food and likes it.. we jam to the same music..

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Yes we kiss too….veey passionatley

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Hes my rock to my roll my hip to my hop…he gets me!! And i get him… ok so you now know who we are…

The rest you can say involves our happiness our childrens well being. Yes tou know my three lil nuts who are no longer still lil and his two lil nuts whobare same age almost as mine. Our children especially iur 2 girls are best friends. And make that ** noted… my samantha and his ariel are close.. so close they created there own happy ending story or stories to tell a story about how they perceieved our love and us as parents threw the eyes our ex significant others..

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The two on far right in front in red jscket and blacket jacket is ariel snd kevin..my three to left snd yes us both knuckleheads in front with the lil home alone klone. Ok so kids get along perfectly …well ok they hsve there moments.. like this picture we went to slerpy hollow in tarrytown..great place kids had fun or so we thought.. too much walking too much cold too much lights.. we are bored ..mean while all they do is stay on their phones.. even wen they are not bored.. so wat the hell is the difference if ur on ur phone out or on ur phone when ur home n not bored. Like really serioysly what  makes texting different and unvori g when ur doing nuthing but sitting on ur bed or couch n ur friend and u are not even talking. As aposed to texting in the car next to same people but not talking and yet thats boring??!! Yea i know makes you go what the fuck??!!
  the exes yea those lovely exes if ours saw just how  wonderful we were together and how beautiful we were . And we was in love.. so i think there jealousy and afraid of losing that and one not paying child support and one just wanting more n more support was taken its toll and manipukating the chikdren which in turn the crazy arrests
and crazy child services and the childrens attutudees and then us arguing and us losing our minds all over  losing  our children into thd hands of the abusers.. ( i have a stay away or of protection against mine and he found third parties to harrass me) and a lil boy being smacked around by a moms boytoy even sadder thenn this was a judge who intwined two cases that had not one damn thing to do with each other other then we was dating and in love and she was retiring and the new upcoming judge was my exes lawyer. And the judge made up her own rules as she went along and so did the lawyers no one followed procedures.but yet we are being told to follow procedures and to listen and not defy the law. Then I think the topper of this was not only losing our kids in the mist of my battle and fight but getting arrested for something I never did because my X Clearly knows all those in political power in my county. The county played its roll in my romeos case as well making sure he lost his rights so that he would not be able to have his kids as well. Words spoken im the judge i can do as i want. So here i sit as i write this and tell the story over and over again and everyone says the same thing.. ” what the fuck happened?”  So there i tell you is my what the fuck moment.. you cant make this shit up.

Social anxiety

http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/study-links-social-anxiety-to-high-iqs-empathetic-ability-sentinel-intelligence/

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With wat i am goin threw with my son. Read this its very interesting . Very intelligent 12 yr old but witness to his parents dysfunction in divorce. And believe me theres too much dysfunction. Sometimes i realize with me being a social bunny i forget hes that loner pisces boy who hust wants to be loved and can function on his own
Continue reading

Yes Ill be here when you wake

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Well the open heart valve replacement surgery performed by Dr. Rawn Salenger in Good Samaritan hospital was a success!!!
The only thing is tge next 24 hours of your critical care and getting you off the Respirator. So I think were almost there.First off Id like to say that I promised you I would document this event just in case there was anything we needed to go back to so here goes. Second its also my count if events for my personal use to pass this memory on and the memory so I can help tell my patients when I someday work for these guys! Lol.
Dad as you entered the CVICU( Cardiovascular intensive care unit) A sense of panic came over me. I had felt like I was the prison guard and you was ” dead man walking”. I know I know pretty flipping morbid to think but I couldnt help myself. The nurses took you in to prep for surgery and said ok when hes done you can come in and say goodbye before surgery. I dont know what the flip was more scary that or walking back after the prep. I mean we entered the room your in a gown your jewlery sitting on ur chest your smiling but I know better. I tell mommy to take your cross and your wedd ing ring and put it around her neck. And watching her do so was like yup ok its official you was going in for aeortic valve replacement. Which if anyone knows anything bout this yes this is when those egotistical docs play god. Because your heart is literally in their hands. And honestly I wouldcnt have it any other way. Bring in the ego I thought of Dr. Salenger bring it and bring it big.
Anyway I look up to you and like ive said before of my wonderful dad we have this unspoken bond of we nvr need words. We totally get it. As if my own love life was this easy. My dad looks up at me he motions his hands to come towards the bed i walk over and he actually held n squeezed my hand tightly and held it for awhile. His hand was soft alil cold but soft and like i said he held on tightly with that grip. I looked at him he smiled but he kbew I was worried he knew i was going to worry bout this surgery and him going in. I mean it is open heart surgery at good samaritan hospital in suffern ny and wats to be nervous about? So when i looked at you i saw it for the first time ever. I saw your eyes worry. You looked scared you looked like one of my kids like my olivia scared and aline. Like you was waiting for me to say dont worry its ok. Well i looked at you smiled and started to tear up all while u holding my hand and he mouthed the words “dont worry ill be ok. ” yea sumhow that look of frieght bothered me. He was downand out. ny dadd who has been a solid foundation and rock in my life and always stood by myside through everything was now looki g at me for support and my heart was racing. It was beati ng so fast. As they wheeled you out past me i looked at him and he gave me a thumbs up. And so badly i waxnted to joke with my dad and say go get em dad knick em dead. But i couls varely talk i just did a thumbs up back and watched as they rolled him out. I was soooooo happy he was going to live once this was over but sooo very scared what after it or during it would bring. My dad is the bravest soul i know. He can do anything and he does it with courage he does it with the best outlook. He lives his family more then anything and he is the funniest silliest guy I know. My dad and i are very much alike and we are close . Hes probably one of the three people in my life who know me and the crazy part is he always expects more from me . And ill be there by you side dad when you awake

Today may god b with us

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The most wonderful man in my life is having open heart surgery today. My daddy is the one man in my life my childrens life that can be counted on.He has always shown strength and courage when needed and he has been a rock in my life more ways then one. Im not done being ur daughter and ur not done
being my daddy. So as we walk today in the path and ur in gods hands. I will pray for you and be there for you. I luv you dad with all my heart. You ll never understand how much luv i hold for you. Your grandkids are waiting for you to come home and see them. So hurry home. Xoxoxo

MY OBSESSION WITH BATH AND BODY

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So i get a coupon for 20% off total merchandise at bath and body and im like damn it i need to feel better to go to the store. My daughter samantha whose 12 says ” mom really?? Ur obsessed” i said no im not and hey if i was then think of the good deals i got during the holidays. Yes i did let me tell you how ” carried away” in a ” pink chiffon” of ” cashmere” and ” joy” of scents in sprays and lotiins and lip balm i got( and yes all those in quotes are sum of my faveorite scents.that bath and body works puts out). I spent first off less then 100.00 ok so it was 98.00 and let me tell you i purchased 15 body sprays 12 lotions 8 bath gels four roll in perfumes 40 small antibacterial hand sanitizers6 antibacterial soap and about 10 bottles of small bottles of lotion. Not to mention in there are my free products i was able.to make 6 seperate christmas gifts outa what i.had and i had left over for me! Alil obsessed?? I dont know maybe but the stuff has me ” dancing in waters” in a ” sea of cotton”! I luv this store i luv there stuff i luv there scents.

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My 12 year old has a collection of her ownniw. Shes always been my ” sweet pea” and thatts her favirite scent. My four year old olivia  luvs pink chiffon anything pink. Heck my son whose 9 loves when halloween time comes around because the hand sanitizers of ” candy corn” and ” vampure blood” and ” scardeycat” hook onto his back pack euth the sanitizer holders they sell and he loves using them.

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And there new scent cashmere.. oooohhh lalaa!! Luv it!! It feels like cashmere!. I just love it!!! And so when they had 75% off clearence yes there waz i stocking up my stick pile makeing me fill up my kids luv for this old obsession with things like ” pRty animal” and ” i love cake” and my reason i luve to bathe in this stuff. And niw another coupon?? Oh boy they know who to send this stuff too. And fir the recird im not beung paid ir compensated in anyway for any of this.. altho i should since i probably been keeping them in bizzness last 10 years.

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These opinions are solely my own. And bath and body get ready ill ne in soon as im better using up my coupon!! You cant make this shit up!!!
http://www.bathandbodyworks.com
Please just visit this site and smell look around better yet find one
near you cause when ur feeling down and need alil ooommph this is my sanctuary!! Well one of my guilty pleaseures its my field of ” japanese blossoms”.. which reminds me ” p.s. i love you” B& BW!! :-) think of it as alil pampering makes us all b better parents!

MY OBSESSION WITH BATH AND BODY

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So i get a coupon for 20% off total merchandise at bath and body and im like damn it i need to feel better to go to the store. My daughter samantha whose 12 says ” mom really?? Ur obsessed” i said no im not and hey if i was then think of the good deals i got during the holidays. Yes i did let me tell you how ” carried away” in a ” pink chiffon” of ” cashmere” and ” joy” of scents in sprays and lotiins and lip balm i got( and yes all those in quotes are sum of my faveorite scents.that bath and body works puts out). I spent first off less then 100.00 ok so it was 98.00 and let me tell you i purchased 15 body sprays 12 lotions 8 bath gels four roll in perfumes 40 small antibacterial hand sanitizers6 antibacterial soap and about 10 bottles of small bottles of lotion. Not to mention in there are my free products i was able.to make 6 seperate christmas gifts outa what i.had and i had left over for me! Alil obsessed?? I dont know maybe but the stuff has me ” dancing in waters” in a ” sea of cotton”! I luv this store i luv there stuff i luv there scents.

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My 12 year old has a collection of her ownniw. Shes always been my ” sweet pea” and thatts her favirite scent. My four year old olivia  luvs pink chiffon anything pink. Heck my son whose 9 loves when halloween time comes around because the hand sanitizers of ” candy corn” and ” vampure blood” and ” scardeycat” hook onto his back pack euth the sanitizer holders they sell and he loves using them.

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And there new scent cashmere.. oooohhh lalaa!! Luv it!! It feels like cashmere!. I just love it!!! And so when they had 75% off clearence yes there waz i stocking up my stick pile makeing me fill up my kids luv for this old obsession with things like ” pRty animal” and ” i love cake” and my reason i luve to bathe in this stuff. And niw another coupon?? Oh boy they know who to send this stuff too. And fir the recird im not beung paid ir compensated in anyway for any of this.. altho i should since i probably been keeping them in bizzness last 10 years.

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These opinions are solely my own. And bath and body get ready ill ne in soon as im better using up my coupon!! You cant make this shit up!!!
http://www.bathandbodyworks.com
Please just visit this site and smell look around better yet find one
near you cause when ur feeling down and need alil ooommph this is my sanctuary!! Well one of my guilty pleaseures its my field of ” japanese blossoms”.. which reminds me ” p.s. i love you” B& BW!! :-) think of it as alil pampering makes us all b better parents!

Yes addition to my pnemonia post

My lil olivia whize four on the way home from urgent care after i been hacking up my lungs for two weeks sats mom cover ir mouth i said olivia i apoligive baby im trying to drive and o almost peed my pants from coughi g so hard ok i promise ill cover next time. She says pleaze mommy im already sick i dont want your germs. At that moment im so
o proud to be her mommy im like wow she realizes all i been telling her bout covering ur cough is important. I finally look up on rearview mirror and this is what i
see

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You cant make this shit up!

You cant make this shit up! ;-)

Yes i still have pneumonia

seriously i get the flu after i get the flu shot..in which i find out its 70% effective and i fall in that 30% catagory. Then just like on cue what do i get? Yup thats rigjt pneumonia!!! And my other three kiddles are sick. So whats that make me? Yes very very unproductive mom!!! Was told by doc that oh yes pneumonia i been getting for last five years is because it takes time to heal and more like a flipping year!!! So ok doc says try not to get sick again after this epusode for over a year! Yea right!! I mean its inevitable i walked in the waiting room and i felt like i was in china ..everyone had to mask up workers patients even my lil one! It was like contagion! So bizarre! So any way doc says here take tamaflu i take tamaflu im back for the xray and yes i have pneumonia and im told here ya go take levaquin for ten days . I go home take levaquin and the nasty ass cough med they gave me.. which reminds me add a flavor next time and when your child says mom this crappy meds tazte bad believe them!!! Gid it was horrible.. so ten days go by im getti g worse i go back doc my orimary doc i should say ge says here take some prednisone with those antibiotics ull feel better soon. So not only do i gotta sterioid it up for ten days i gotta stay the hell inside because its bliatering cold out here in NY. And roids come on!! I just was doi g good on my fitness program. Oh yea and nit to mwntion the two weels i been using my albiterol pump and vickiSometimes life hands me melobs andmore melons i just wana feel better i wana feel like me again. Pnemonia stop keeping me up late at nite coughing and wheezing. Kick in drugs cause this body and my lungs need airing out!!

my nite playing florence nightengale

♦ I can only tell you just how long and how much i can play nurse for my kids when they are sick, and believe me its not very long. I do not know if many of you will judg me and call me a terrible mom or say im not a good parent, but I can tell you this, I dont think nursing is the career choice for me. altho I keep gravitating towards it more and more but to do it professionally? forget it i would suck. Let me start off by saying in all fairness to me  constantly sitting up to the calls of “mom!!!”, “mom please help!”, “mommy!!!!”” mom my stomach, my back please rub it” so I get up half asleep plus groggily trying to maintain my balance after one being woken up in such a way i thought the man with the one eye burlap sack was chasing me, im half asleep and my body is numb everywhere! so i go into their room after I fumble for the puke bucket(in my house we use a basin from the hospital as our bucket, and dont worry three kids , yes i haved three of them) walk in their room fall onto the bed only to see my son is in soo much pain he dont want me to rub his belly or his back doesnt want me to go getm ore ginger ale but wants me to watch him pace back n forth like a lunatic as hes cutting up the rug. i keep saying” anthony honey please come lay down” anthonys replies” i cant, i dont wanna i dont feel like it im gona puke” ok so i try  the method of being nice again meanwhile i been dealing with him this way for 24 hours before and again in walking zombie state. i say”: anthony baby you wont get better if you dont relax and calm down” his response” i need ginger ale” ok so i go get the ginger ale i return i say here ya go baby lay on me” his response ” rub my belly” i rub he says ” stop ” it hurts i stop he says ” no please can you rub it?” i rub. he says ” stop i need my machine. ok hes a sever asthmatic whose on a nebulizer and when he asks for it i run for it because i know he needs it. i fumble in dark looking for machine before i say hey ypou know what let me turn the tv on for light, i get it all set up he says ” nooooo i donbt need it:” i said ok he pukes again and i mean pukes then as he pukes he gets a massive bolt of the shits ok ill be nice diahrea so hes got it coming out both ends. yea yea i know a big mess. sooo after shower and clean up and fresh sheets and pjs and new ginger ale and he still says he needs his machine n rub my back no dont rub it go get heating pad i set up everything all over again he falls asleep but i place nebulizer mask over his face while he finally sleeps just so ill feel better since he asked i lower the pad to low on his back i fix the covers im rubbing his belly everything is finally calming down a close to day two of this all night all day carnival affair and his machine is done, finally i look see him sleeping i say ok i can return to my bed . i go to bathroom get bottle of water fix my covers and my pillow i get comfortable and finally start to dose off,,” mommyy!!!! comhere!!!”  really??? you cant make this shit up